What I wanted.

Have you ever wanted something that was a definite want and not a need? You just knew you’d love it forever if you could have it? Maybe you online shopped it, maybe even put it in the cart and almost clicked the final button but you just didn’t because it was too expensive or not the right time?

I was like that with Frye boots.

I know, of all the things, right? I need so many other things on the planet, mainly sanity, but I wanted these boots. They are so pretty but not in a frilly way, very real leather that looks so supple and nice.

Well guess what? I GOT A PAIR. Now I know what you’re thinking…how does someone on a coaching and non-profit salary (plus four kids) afford $300 boots? Answer: The Beehive. If you don’t know what the Beehive is, you’re missing out. It’s kind of like Goodwill but with mostly disabled people working there. It’s the best thrift store ever. You can really find some treasures, like Frye boots.

Well I get these boots home, clean them up a little bit, and set them to the side waiting on the perfect day to wear them. It finally cools off enough, I have some denim jeans and I’m ready to rock ’em to the Ross Foundation.

I put these pretty cleaned up boots on…and they feel funny. I look down and they look funny. I take a couple of steps and they even sound funny. They’re heavy and so not my style.

I have been eagerly wanting these dang boots for a couple of years, I got some and I don’t like them. What the what?! But it got me thinking…how many times does God gives us what we want just to show us it’s not what we need? Sometimes what we want is so not our style. God knows what we need and He generously gives it to us. On the other hand I think He gives us things we want sometimes to show us it’s not what we need.

I think some of us want to be rich, or famous, or well-known in whatever profession we are in…but what if that isn’t want we need? What if we got that want and it didn’t fit or wasn’t our style and it ruined us?

I guess I’ll move on from my love of Frye boots and stick with my Tom’s. Ain’t nothing wrong with that, but I like the lesson it taught me.

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so pretty

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Summer is Over.

It happened again. Summer passed and I’m sitting here looking at my calendar, writing in games, practices, meals. The squares are filling up all the way until December 8th (6:30PM).

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The pre-season anxiety is filling my fingertips up with the weird feeling I get right before an anxiety attack tries to get me. I will do my best to work through it…but I am almost positive I will text Coach with something that sounds so depressing and slightly bitter before the first game happens. It has happened every year around this time, I wish I could learn from the past and be an overcomer but I’m not mature enough for that yet. The feeling is more than anxiety if I have to be honest, it is a mixture of dread, excitement, wonder, frustration and stress.

I tend to ride on the negative wave before season, I’m not sure why. I think it is okay to sit in those feelings and to really feel them and to live in them, kind of be lonely and be sad and be bitter…for a minute, but you have to find your way out of them. I don’t think one coaches wife will tell you that they’ve never felt feelings like that but the difference between the “good” ones and the “bad” ones is their ability to have the negative feelings but still face the world and your family with a righteousness that you can only get by knowing where your hope lies. We don’t need to stay in the funk because we don’t need to find our happiness in what our husbands are doing…we find it in The Lord. We can’t depend on our spouse to make us happy…that is a tough lesson but if you can figure it out sooner rather than later then you will be better off for it. If you can summon up the why…why you are called to this then it makes it easier. The why is because this is a ministry, try to remember that this season.

As much as I can I try to be involved, I think that is why this part of the year is hard. When the season starts we get to be involved: games, practices, dinners at our house, football club lunches, team pictures, festivals, all the things are happening that you fall into a rhythm of being without your coach-spouse-father-friend that the loneliness and stress doesn’t hit you as hard. Right now with camps and workouts we just miss him. We miss the players and we miss our coaching families.

As hard as it all is NOW, it won’t be long and we will be wearing long-sleeves, hats and gloves. Hopefully making arrangements for Thanksgiving dinner at the fieldhouse and having a Christmas celebration around 9PM on December 8th.

Until we are partying, follow us on Social Media with the hashtag #badgerfam.

New house, Farmhouse?

This past weekend my lovely friends Amy & Sandy along with my beautiful sister, mom, aunt and cousin threw us a House Warming Party. I’ve never been to a housewarming so I wasn’t sure what to expect. We were pleasantly surprised by the amount of love and gifts that we received. I couldn’t believe how much sweet stuff we got! Most of the items came from our local stores: The Farmhouse Downtown and Hardman Interiors. You should check them out if you’re ever in Arkadelphia.

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My friend Sandy made the Chandler pic.

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My friend Ashley got us the “Where two or three Gather” and Ben bought the paper reminder roll, super cute!

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My sister got us the mirror and maybe the pic too, I can’t remember

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Some of the loot!

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Wrapped gifts for the win!

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All Farmhouse stuff 🙂

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I just love the colors of the kitchen towels.

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Swan Creek Candles are the bizness

The best part about all of this is that we OWN (well the bank does for 30 years) our home. We have spent the better part of three years praying for a new home! After several failed attempts we were able to purchase this house with help from Southern Bancorp. If you are tired of paying rent you need to look into your options of buying a home. This sucker was made for a family with a ton of kids. I’ll do a tour of the house another day 🙂

 

Check out this link (I hope it works) They have yoga mats, which I have to use since we don’t have carpet downstairs! Gaiam Yoga Mats.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life Right Now.

There are times when I wonder about myself. I can see the growth in our family and I can see the growth in me. Several years ago I started doing a “word of the year” instead of New Year’s Resolutions. Growth was one and this year it is More. Since I had a miscarriage in 2015 it has felt like every year has been the hardest year. I’m thankful for my growth from 2015 to where I am now.

That miscarriage sat me down and said, you are not alone. It brought my husband and I closer after we had a huge fight when I actually said the words, “this is harder for me then it is for you!” It was ugly. I realized how small my worldview was. We were both hurting but I was focusing on me. I was able to grow from that moment on. I got pregnant again in that year.

In 2016 we had our baby boy. Then he got sick. Twice. The big sicks where you end up in the NICU or Isolation or PICU. When the NYE bell rang I cried because I was so thankful it was over. My husband helps me more than I realize at the moment…it’s always looking back that I realize how he is more than a husband, he’s my team captain (this works in our sports-centered world) or my partner, or sometimes co-conspirator. Where I just saw the “sicks” he saw the blessings of him being healed. I think as mother’s we see those things, eventually, but in the moment it is so easy to focus on those negatives. 2016 was also a terrible football season, for those that may laugh that that’s important, it’s important when your husband’s livelihood ($$) is dependent on a bunch of teenage boys being focused on a Friday night.  It makes me laugh too. Looking back, it really wasn’t the season or the games or the players…it was the parents. It was a life lesson that I will take with me on how not to act. But those parent’s “graduated” too.

Now 2017 was a different beast. I’ll say that I dealt a little better with the coaches being gone a lot. Maybe I got used to it, maybe my growth helped me. By the way, growth was my word in 2015, ’16 and ’17. I’m a creature of habit I guess. The Badgers did really well, as well as they could really, they won State. The parents were awesome. Our family though, was a little bit different. In November Ben’s older brother was in a plane crash. He tore up his foot bad enough they weren’t sure if it would ever be the same, Ben’s younger brother (who is autistic) had an incident with his heart that landed him in the hospital and then home with a heart monitor but we were able to go out there around Christmas so we could see everyone and it was alright.

2018 word is More. I changed it up…let’s see how it holds. I want to be more this year. More Jesus-filled, more of a wife, more a mother, more of a friend, more of a sister, more of a reader, writer, exerciser, all of it. Right now life seems to be more valley-ish because Ben’s dad was in a car accident that broke his back, we are looking to buy a house (which is not a fun process), we are dealing with family legal stuff, our friends are dealing with legal stuff, people are sick, people have cancer.  But through it all my help comes from The Lord and I am so thankful I have that hope.

My daughter and I have been talking about diamonds a lot lately…how they aren’t pretty when they come out of the earth. It’s not until they have been pressured, refined, torched, sanded and then finally polished are they as beautiful as the stars in the sky and fit to line the walls of Heaven. So we are understanding that to be a diamond you have to go through all those things too.