Parenting blogs are for the birds. Here’s another.

You’ve seen them all right? There is a parenting blog for every topic under the sun: Spank, don’t spank, yell, don’t yell, make your kid do chores, drink wine, don’t drink wine, read a book, don’t play on tablets or phones. It’s almost mind numbing how much “advice” there is on the web. So I would like to throw my hat out there…here are a few guiding principles and hopefully some links (that’ll hopefully work) that we use. Let me preface all of this by saying:

“If you are doing it in love, it is probably right.”

We are not our parents or grandparents generation. If you’re like me we are some weird hybrid of knowing life before it got all tech-y yet we can still learn new things when they come out every week. Our parents made us play outside constantly and didn’t worry about anything yet now we KNOW we can’t really do a lot of free-range parenting because let’s be honest. People suck.

So even though this is kind of like a list of things to do, I want you to read it more like: “here is how we do life, lets use what works and think they’re crazy on the ones that don’t.”

Chandler Principles:

  1. Use the bible as your guidebook. For discipline, for love, for everything. Read bible stories to your kids. We do this every night. Ben reads three bible stories then I put them to sleep with an extremely long prayer. It’s strategic but I think of it like this, do you mind when the kids fall asleep on you? Then I bet God doesn’t mind them falling asleep when I pray. YouVersion has an amazing bible app when plenty of “plans” for kids. Bible App
  2. We listen to a guy named Kirk Martin. He’s called the calm guy. It’s pretty straight forward, you have to be calm to be a good parent. If you are doing ANYTHING out of anger or stress then you aren’t doing it well. Let’s be honest, kids can suck too. So this guy lays it out on how to manage yourselves before you manage those pesky cutie pies. I’m linking to his podcasts because I listen to a lot of podcasts. Calm Guy Podcast.
  3. If you did number two and listened to Kirk you’ll already know that you have to work on yourself first. Second, make sure your marriage is golden. We have communication issues so we have to do a lot of backtracking when it comes to stuff, maybe since we know we have communication issues that will eventually correct itself…one can dream. Anyway I really value what the bible says about marriage and a good one to listen to is Marriage Today
  4. We don’t say, I can’t. Unless it’s I can’t get up today because I’m so tired…but only I can use that one.
  5. Our kids do chores. They don’t get paid to do those chores. There is no negotiating, bartering or trading off. Everyone has a job and a part of being a team is doing your assigned task.
  6. We don’t do games on week days regardless of anything. It’s raining? So what, read a book. You’re sick and at home, hope you like the VHS tapes in your quarantine time. You made all A’s? You’re welcome, I made that brain in my tummy.
  7. I don’t treat my kids the same. Yep, I said it. I’m not going to even pretend that I even like them the same. My eleven year old boy talking about smells and hairs is not going to get the same awws that my two year old gets when he says a word funny. You know what? I love them both so much, just not the same. And I tell them that. I also tell them that Ben will always be tops in my book, then them. My job as a parent is to raise them up and send them off to be good wives and husbands and all the amazing things they’ll be but living in my home forever, they won’t. But Ben will. And I’m excited about that day. I’m also excited about being a grandparent and more of a friend to my kids than I am now.
  8. BECAUSE You are the parent, not a friend. You’ll never convince me that that’s a good thing to be to your truly immature kid or teenager. Because even if they’re “mature” by some standards they’re still kids, and that’s okay. Be the mean parent until you can be the nice one 🙂
  9. We go to bed early. For us, not them. Our nighttime routine starts around 7:30 with baths…usually we are done with everything by 8 or 8:30. They get all the sleep we get time to finish the stuffs and then talk or zone out. It’s really nice.

Anyway, this list is not definitive or even comprehensive but it is a lot of what we do…and sometimes we do fine. Sometimes we do not. Also, don’t be afraid to try new things and different techniques with your kids. If you are reading a parenting blog or listening to a podcast about it then you’re probably doing better than 80% of parents out there, let’s be honest. So pat yourself on the back when no one is looking.

We have a strong-willed one who sometimes requires a whole lesson on childhood development and you need a doctorate to get through to her/him (I’m not naming names, but I bet you know already). If you have some ideas that we could implement comment me down there somewhere.

 

Side note: Today is my last baby’s second birthday. He’s really the cutest thing.

IMG_2305(1)

 

For my Yoga lovers.

Advertisements

Sharing a blog.

Today I took a big step…I connected my blog to my facebook.

I’ve had people tell me for years that I needed to have my own blog, not that I’m some kind of amazing writer but mostly because when I do FB posts they seem like blog post. Funnily enough I’ve had this blog page for a while and post here and there but now I’m turning away from posting to FB and posting here. It can be my open and honest journal entry and scrapbook maker 🙂

Let me know if you like this site and if you have any recommendations on how to make it easier to access or view.

For funsies here is a picture of something:

IMG_2060

Because a baby with a Tupperware on his head never gets old.

Thinking backwards.

Last night I was having a deep conversation with my oldest son about love languages and how as a mom I have to parent my kids differently because they feel love differently. If you don’t know about love languages here is a link for more info: Love Languages  As we are talking I had a thought that I have never thought about before. It may be old hat to you, but it was/IS new to me. I know that my love language is Acts of Service but I have only ever thought about it in the positive…my self-realization is: What about the negative?

As I put the kids to bed with prayer I go downstairs and clean the kitchen, make lunches, clean up the living room, finish up any laundry, pick up whatever toy has made its way downstairs, wipe off SOMETHING BECAUSE SOMETHING IS ALWAYS STICKY and then I can finish up my hot tea, shower, eat a nutty buddy, watch Roseanne and go to bed. But all that stuff up there at the top of this paragraph makes me bitter. I don’t want to do any of it. So that’s where the negative of the ‘acts of service’ love language comes in.

Where I feel love when someone is helping me or doing it without me telling them too…I also feel unloved when those things don’t happen. Sure it’s an annoyance that I have to do it (again) all by myself but for some reason I take it as a personal hit. I’m not certain that I like that about myself, actually I’m pretty certain that I don’t like that about myself.

So to negate these feelings I’ve been reading the Bible, doing bible plans and praying. I’ve come to realize that I’m allowing others to have control over my emotions. <–This is a big deal. I’m reacting. Ugh…it’s so unreal that I have to run through these things about once or fifteen times a year.

The thinking backwards was just my way of expressing that it is great to know your love language…it’s also good to know that when that language hasn’t been spoken to you that it can hurt, and that’s okay…but you can’t let it define you or dampen your spirit. Image-1

 

Let me say this about Arkansas Weather

Okay, do you live in Arkansas? If so, then this little tidbit of info will be old news and you’ll just shake your head in agreement. Okay, are you bi-polar? If so, you and the weather in Arkansas are ALIKE! WOOHOO you do have a friend! (I’m kidding. Take it easy.) On Monday our weather was gorgeous…blue skies and around 70 degrees. 43be86b85bcbd2d338687f79cf2a84aaWe just sat outside, I had the flu so it was the first time I was out of my bed in several days. And it was wonderful. Then time passed…not a lot of time…maybe 24 hours…and it became freezing…then it started to rain…now they are talking about snow…this all happened in four days. Oh Arkansas, make up your mind!

Regardless of the weather outside I’m all sunshinesmiley today! I get to go on a “Girls Weekend” with some of my favorite girls from high school…really it’s all the way back to elementary school but who’s counting?! I honestly do not know what we are getting into. And I find that fascinating. Mainly because I’m a control freak. I like to know things and I like to plan things. So, I’m trying to be cooler this year and go with the flow. HAHA. If you know me at all you know this is hilarious, but seriously I am trying.

I hope the weather is nice in your area. I hope the weather is nice in the area I am headed to…even though I just got word that I need to pack “summer” clothes….OKAY!

Gas Station Birthday.

My daughter is funny. She thinks differently than most people, she’s an artist in training. Public school is harder for her than most kids, but when you read to her (or when she’s reading) she understands the concepts better than most kids her age. She can visualize what you are talking about but can’t necessarily explain it to you. It’s hard being her mom. I’m type A. She’s type XYZ, or type unicorn, or type rainbow, or type glitterysparklyfunsunshine. 348

Well she is turning seven soon. She requested that she have her party at the local Pilot, which if you don’t know what that is it’s basically a truck stop that has frozen yogurt. I laughed originally, and thought, “Yeah, no.” So I started planning a bigger swimming pool party at our favorite college, but then she starts TELLING me what she’s getting, how it’s going to be and who is going to be there. Ohhh and that didn’t sit well with me. I don’t like entitled people so I’m definitely not going to raise an entitled, ungrateful person. Because of this my husband and I went back to the gas station idea. She’s getting to invite one friend and we are going to have gas station food and gas station frozen yogurt. We don’t want her to expect things like a big party and lots of gifts. We want to teach her gratitude, putting family first and contentment. We want her to receive a gift and truly be thankful for it.

How do children learn best, even children who think outside the box? By example, of course! My goal is to be more thankful and to be more content with what I have, and hopefully she will see what I am talking about. Since we live in a world of capitalist where making more money, getting more things and taking whatever it is to be better is normal the example needs to be taught early and in the home. We want to live a christian lifestyle of giving, being honest and being thankful for every single, tiny moment that we are given.  And that’s not so normal anymore. And it’s not easy. So pray that I can be a good teacher for my daughter. And I will try to let a human out in the world who is going to change perspectives of anyone who meets her.

Catching up to momma.

Do you remember when you were little and your mom always seemed older and wiser? Then you got a little older say, 12, and then you started realizing that they (all moms) are humans who make mistakes, then around 18 they are just silly people who don’t really know what you’re going through? Then around 23 you want them back in your life but not parenting you just kind of there? Then about 28, if you’re lucky, they become more like friends?

Now we are officially (Unofficially, if you have Peter Pan Syndrome) adults because we are 30(!) and you look in the mirror, you say something specific, you organize your house in such a way that can only be explained as your mom reincarnated…

I always shuddered at the thought of being like my mom. Not that she isn’t anything short of being my great momma but I think everyone has a little of that fear of turning into their parents. But as I’m walking around in a robe, my very thick glasses on, huge cup of coffee in my hand, strangely staring at all the house work I need to do but can’t because of this FLU, I see myself in the mirror.

I’m my mom.

Blog Post Number One.

I’d like to say before I continue that I will not number these blogs…can you imagine. What if I actually keep up with this? And then I wrote something horrible that my crazy aunt sees and then feel pressure to delete the numbered post and then all my post will then be numbered improperly. Can you imagine the panic in an OCD person’s head? I mean, come on! I’m slightly OCD, but only on things that I can control (get it?, ha)!

So because this is the first post I want it to be something that I have been thinking about, and no it isn’t original. Which isn’t new nothing I do/say/think is original. I tend to read/watch/peruse a lot of different sermons and one of my favorite pastors preached on “Changing Your Life”…oh wouldn’t that be great…but really. If you can change your perspective you can change your life. Here are Ray’s five points:

  • Changing your thinking can change your beliefs.
  • Changing your beliefs can change your expectations.
  • Changing your expectations can change your attitude.
  • Changing your attitude can change your behavior.
  • Changing your behavior can change your life!

Okay so that’s it. That’s my first post. If anyone ever reads it let me know. I plan on trying to write a couple of posts Monday thru Friday, varying on busy-ness of my day. Luckily, this thing has a mobile app so I will be able to add it to my phone and maybe my life can be more productive by not playing the best game ever TRIVIA CRACK! (Seriously, don’t download) ((Except it’s awesome, so do it!))