Summer is Over.

It happened again. Summer passed and I’m sitting here looking at my calendar, writing in games, practices, meals. The squares are filling up all the way until December 8th (6:30PM).

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The pre-season anxiety is filling my fingertips up with the weird feeling I get right before an anxiety attack tries to get me. I will do my best to work through it…but I am almost positive I will text Coach with something that sounds so depressing and slightly bitter before the first game happens. It has happened every year around this time, I wish I could learn from the past and be an overcomer but I’m not mature enough for that yet. The feeling is more than anxiety if I have to be honest, it is a mixture of dread, excitement, wonder, frustration and stress.

I tend to ride on the negative wave before season, I’m not sure why. I think it is okay to sit in those feelings and to really feel them and to live in them, kind of be lonely and be sad and be bitter…for a minute, but you have to find your way out of them. I don’t think one coaches wife will tell you that they’ve never felt feelings like that but the difference between the “good” ones and the “bad” ones is their ability to have the negative feelings but still face the world and your family with a righteousness that you can only get by knowing where your hope lies. We don’t need to stay in the funk because we don’t need to find our happiness in what our husbands are doing…we find it in The Lord. We can’t depend on our spouse to make us happy…that is a tough lesson but if you can figure it out sooner rather than later then you will be better off for it. If you can summon up the why…why you are called to this then it makes it easier. The why is because this is a ministry, try to remember that this season.

As much as I can I try to be involved, I think that is why this part of the year is hard.¬†When the season starts we get to be involved: games, practices, dinners at our house, football club lunches, team pictures, festivals, all the things are happening that you fall into a rhythm of being without your coach-spouse-father-friend that the loneliness and stress doesn’t hit you as hard. Right now with camps and workouts we just miss him. We miss the players and we miss our coaching families.

As hard as it all is NOW, it won’t be long and we will be wearing long-sleeves, hats and gloves. Hopefully making arrangements for Thanksgiving dinner at the fieldhouse and having a Christmas celebration around 9PM on December 8th.

Until we are partying, follow us on Social Media with the hashtag #badgerfam.

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Nursing…

Okay I posted about most everything that has been going on in the past few months but I barely touched on my experience breastfeeding. For one thing this is my fourth baby and my first time being able to breastfeed longer than a month. I am normally around a 34A and right now I refuse to measure because they are so large. I actually call them milk jugs, creative & classy, huh? I also normally exercise and since they move around when I walk I refuse to do anything that might actually make them BOUNCE! What the heck!

I think being back at work (since he was six weeks old) has made it worse because I am an almost exclusive pumper, so that sweet bonding time you’re supposed to have with your baby is limited to the middle of the night feedings and let’s be honest those aren’t the prime times for bonding. I dread having to go home for lunch on my break every single day and pumping. And then having to do it around 4:30 every afternoon. And then again around 9PM and then again around 2AM. And then again at 7AM. Now I’m sure you’re thinking 1. that I am selfish or 2. why don’t I just breast feed. Well, once you start up the work/daycare routine his feeding times are extremely different than my needing to pump times. In a perfect world I could go to his school and feed him but it’s too far away. Sometimes we get lucky and I can stay in bed longer and can feed him. It’s so much easier than the mind numbing twenty minutes of pumping.

I asked my hubby last night if he thought there could be a direct correlation between breast pumping and depression/anxiety. I mean, I sit in my dark room and pump while I eat breakfast then I eat lunch in there and then I am awake at night by myself pumping away. I do have three bigger kids who sometimes stroll in there and keep me company. They are all pretty funny so that is my favorite time, otherwise I’m on my stupid phone looking at stupid facebook (but that’s another post on another day).

I think a smart person needs to check into my previous paragraph. Breast pumping and anxiety. I tell you what, I can feel it in my finger tips & toes. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, good for you. All that anxiety just coursing through my body sucks. I wish it burned calories then I wouldn’t have to worry about the BOUNCE!